ALVIN S. SIMPLETON SAYS THE CAR MAKERS ARE DRUNK

Last year, Alvin paid a heap of money for a brand, spanking new Lincoln. He isn’t too please that the auto companies are now asking him to loan them or give them a whole lotta money.

“Man, I’m tellin you them dudes gotta a lotta nerve askin me to give them, what is, fifty billion, or what ever. I mean I paid some serious bread for that beautiful ride I got.” Alvin was spitting mad.

“Alvin,” said Jabo, “they ain’t just askin you for money. They askin all of us taxpayers, all except Leroy, cause he don’t pay no taxes, and he still ain’t rich.”

Leroy gets a tax-free pension from some insurance his wife had that pays him a monthly pension. He does pay taxes on his own pension, however, but we like to tease him about living off his wife who died some years ago.

“I..I do so pay taxes, yo’all know I do. Jabo don’t know what he talkin bout. I ain’t livin off Louise, either. I told her not to do it but she said she loved me and wasn’t gon let me live on nothing if she died.” He was really upset this time.

Alvin chastised Jabo. “Leave him alone Jabo and we won’t tell how you come by your illegal pension. Leroy, don’t pay no mind. We know you pay taxes that them car making dudes want some of.”

“Look here Alvin,” I addressed him, “if we don’t help the automakers, millions of workers in and out of the automobile industry will lost their jobs. Cities might go broke. Hell, some of them people just might move down here.”

“Ah, man, there you go again, defendin them rich dudes,” was Alvin’s rejoinder, “look here, the union what made them great contracts for the workers, like the owners, shoulda seen it comin. Man, you can’t go on makin bad cars that nobody really wants and stay in business. You sure in hell can’t give the unions all they request and stay in business. I’m tellin you every business wants the government—that’s us, you and me—to give them some money so they can stay in business. No siree, none of my taxes gonna help them.”

I didn’t point out that he could do nothing about how the government spends his tax dollars.

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